The 3rd Mom: WAHM

This week it seems as though my social media news feed has a had a lot of articles being shared about motherhood and work.

*The struggle of staying home
*The choice to stay home
*The struggle of choosing to go back to work
*The BOGUS lack of time for working moms to have at home before returning
*The judgement of staying home after kids are in school

And the list goes on and on.

What I noticed, though, is a lack of a very prominent group of mommies: the work at home moms. And this group, is a GROWING group. With e-commerce becoming a staple in society and more and more people finding a way to make legitimate incomes for their families doing so (check out this article), moms are figuring out how to have their kids and make money too!

I have had the unique experience of being a part of all three groups at one time or another. I taught first grade both before and after having my first two boys. I remember the hardship of finding reliable daycare, only having a short amount of time for maternity leave and not feeling ready to go back, the piece of my heart outside of my chest each day as I dropped my boys off. Juggling the pressure to do my job well and still be the mom I desired to be all while keeping up with the house at home was hard! It was early mornings and late nights trying to get it all done.

Full time teacher 

2 year old and 6 month old in daycare

Because I taught, I had my summers off (for the most part). I got to stay home with my boys, go on play dates, sing songs and soak up every moment with them. What I found was that staying home was tough too. I missed the schedule and routine of our school year. I missed the adult interaction. I still couldn't get the house cleaned all through the day unless it was in shifts because I had the boys home with me. Messes were definitely more being home all the time.

Staying at home isn't a walk in the park. ;) 

Both roles are hard.

Equally as hard, is working from home. Almost 3 years into my coaching business there is a lot I've come to learn.

1. A lot of people don't understand working from home. 
Family members, friends, the outside world in general--a lot of people don't get it. When I say that I work from home, I automatically get pushed into the stay at home mom circle.  Which I get. Because I don't GO to work.

But moms who work from home have all the responsibilities of staying at home PLUS their actual work. It is different for everyone I suppose, but my work gets done in the cracks of my mothering. Which means nap times and after bed time aren't as leisurely as they used to be or can't just be used to catch up on housework. Which brings me to my next point..

2. We are always at work. 
Because we work from home, our work is always with us. My housework may get done but my job is still waiting. Or vice versa. I don't get to shut my computer down, straighten my classroom and turn of the light to leave. My work is always there. And since my work time varies, it can often feel like our work hours are 24/7. I have learned (the hard way) to set limits on my work time and when I respond to messages from clients. But finding the balance is hard, just like it is for any mom.

3. There is STILL a stigma
Like all things the mommy-war evokes, there is often a stigma with moms who work at home; especially those who are starting their own businesses. Often, we aren't recognized by other working moms. I can't tell you how many times another mom who works outside the job speaks about the balance of it all and when I comment--BLANK STARE. As if we both don't work. I've heard other moms experience this as well. It definitely doesn't feel good.

But at the end of the day, it is one of those things I choose to ignore. Because working from home has changed my life; my family's life. Motherhood is hard. Deciding what's best for you and your family is hard. Having experience in all three groups, I have found working from home is the best fit for our family.

And tomorrow, I'll be sharing the WHY behind how I've come to that conclusion! So check it out!

Overcoming the Perfectionism Trap

I'm a competitive person. I don't even want to play if there is no chance I might win. It's absolutely a family trait. Monopoly is like asking WWIII to erupt in the family living room.

That way of thinking makes me especially hard on myself. I can genuinely praise others and build them up all day long, but personally, it's easy for me to pick myself apart.

It's why I struggled with self-esteem for so long. It's why, in my earlier years, my self consciousness often came out as a rude and sarcastic at the expense of someone else (I'm still super sarcastic but now it's not pointed at others).

When I first started really pursuing health, and surrounding myself with others who saw the best in people, I slowly began to change my thinking and give myself credit; starting speaking a little nicer to MYSELF.

But can I be real? I still REALLY struggle in this area. And makes me feel like a phony. Because I SO BELIEVE in loving yourself but it's hard for me. Just the other day in conversation I discounted myself and my hard work, honing in on ONE area I struggle to see change.

I forget the muscles in my arms and shoulders that I notice while blow drying my hair and not flexing.

I forget the strength in my legs.

I forget that I can do more push ups now than a month ago. That I'm in a size smaller pants. That my skin is clearer because I'm eating better more regularly. That my kids like working out with me because I'm showing them it's FUN!

I get consumed with that little pouch of mine I can't seem to change.

Well here's a message- to me- and to all my competitive, perfectionist friends out there-

SEE YOURSELF! See your WHOLE self. Not the bad.
But the good.
The strong.
The capable.
The witty.
The kind.
The persevering spirit.

And love it all. <3 

Inspiring Others

When my husband and I  were going through our pre-martial counseling, we learned about a lot of things. But the only that probably sticks out the most is love languages.

Love languages are the way you express love naturally and the way you feel most loved. There are five.

1. Physical Touch
2. Quality Time
3. Acts of Service
4. Words of Affirmation
5. Gifts

The point of us going over these languages was to learn what our's was personally and what our spouse's was. So we could work to express love to them in the way that means most to them.

I learned that words of affirmation was my love language.  It means a LOT to me to be affirmed, encouraged, heard, championed. When I feel loved this way. I feel unstoppable.

It isn't a hard leap for me to see how this relates to others, especially coaching. I love cheering people on. I love working alongside motivated, enthusiastic people. I love helping them overcome obstacles and struggles with encouragement, reminding them of their strengths.

I am not an expert in health or fitness. And we all know there isn't a one size fits all approach to fitness. What makes you excited about fitness?

*Do you like to run?
*Do you love group classes at the gym?
*Are outdoor sports your jam?
*Do you like strength training?
*Are you into yoga?

No matter what excites, I want to partner with you! I want to be the person who comes alongside you and pushes you further in your journey; who helps you get to your best self!

Affirming others in their goals is how I want to help them succeed!

*I want you to know I won't give up on you!
   Life happens. We all have bad days. We all fall off the wagon. I get that! I've been there! But what I do as a coach, is I won't let you stay there. Through coaching, I want to remind you of why you started, how far you've come, what you've accomplished.  I want to let you know, compassionately, that bad days happen. BUT, you are stronger than your bad days!

*I will journey with you! 
  You aren't alone.  Changing habits is hard.  Being sore is hard. Saying no to favorite (but not so healthy) foods is hard. And when things are hard, it is always easier to get through the hard when you have someone to share the burden.  I'm journeying with you. I'm going ahead and sharing what I've learned, my struggles, how I've found success. It's us together. I may not have all the answers; who does?? But together we are going to get farther than if we went at it alone.

*This is my passion.
  I know that sounds cliche. But when I am working with those who really want to make a change, it never feels like work. I love finding ways to keep women motivated. I love helping them break through plateaus, learn to love their bodies, and find their strength. I love watching them see themselves differently, redefine what the world says beauty or sexy is because they are working hard to get results right for THEM! I love helping families learn to love good, healthy food and discovering that it, GUESS WHAT??? Isn't bland!

It isn't always easy but I am always grateful to use a piece of my heart, who I am and how I express love and share it with others!

Modesty in the Fitness Industry

Can I be frank with you today?

When I started as a online health and fitness coach almost three years ago, I didn't know a lot.  I knew I had found something that worked for me; that I was passionate about; and that I wanted to share with others.

I also knew that I wanted to learn as much as possible about how to do this thing well because, well because I don't like to anything unless I'm good at it. How's that for truth?? I hate to fail and I like to feel like I'm accomplishing something.

As I set out to learn more about other successful people in my industry, it wasn't long before I felt a little out of place.

Who were these other women with all these followers?
What were these posts?
What does THAT have to do with health??

I quickly wondered if I had what it took to be successful. Not for lack of hard work. But because what I was seeing didn't match who I was.

I'm not a blonde bombshell.
I'm not big chested.
I don't pose baring it all (or at least, darn close to it all.)
I'm not provocative. (Nor do I want to be!)

Disclaimer: Not all women in this industry are like I am describing above. Three years later, I have mentors and people I look up to that are a direct opposition of what I am mentioning. This is just about what I was overwhelmed with in the beginning (and something that is still pretty prevalent.) 

Let me be clear. I am a health and fitness coach.  I take progress photos. I like to see the changes in my body.  I like to feel confident in my clothes. I like to feel confident in a bathing suit. I want other women to learn to love their bodies, embrace confidence in who God created them to be and to live a life that is healthy and full and active.

I am confident that I can do that, and be WILDLY SUCCESSFUL, and still be modest.

I am a wife, mother, Christian.
I can show you my progress without showing off my body provocatively.
I can build an empire without selling out.
I can help other women by showing them heart.
I can change lives.

And you can too! What if we banded together to change the face of what success in this industry looks like? What if more women had this mindset? What if we made health and fitness about health and fitness and not sex appeal??

It's part of my mission these days.
Yes, change lives.
But to revolutionize how we portray it.