Five years of being a mom, all I know are boys. Three little boys in three years, I have definitely learned a lot. I don't know everything about motherhood but I do know quite a bit about raising little boys. And, having all boys, there are quite a few things you hear from time to time. Most good-natured, totally harmless. but not always correct.
Today I am sharing my top 5 myths about raising boys!
1. Boys are easier.
I've heard this comment often. And in some regards, I understand it. I mean, are my boys less dramatic than a little girl. On most days, yes. And my boys are still young. We haven't hit the preteen and teenage years and I know all the chat around girl drama- with their moms, with their friends, over boys. And maybe as a mom of boys we won't have that drama. But raising boys definitely is not easier.
My boys are each different and unique. They express their feelings in different ways. Every stage with each boy has been different. Hudson is my first. He is extremely bright. He processes ideas and has thoughts that can be beyond his years. He remembers events in extreme detail. He feels deeply and has a vast aversion to any injustice.
Our second is a typical second born. And in his light-hearted, creative, happy-go-lucky style, he can get his feelings hurt easily because he is such a lover and kind soul.
And sweet Gabe. He challenges us with tantrums followed by a sweet smile that manipulates us out of any kind of punishment.
Boys aren't easier. They are different than girls. But their intricacies are unique and layered and present challenges all their own. Whether raising boys or girls or a mix of both, parenting is hard.
2. I secretly want a daughter.
Any time Andrew and I are asked the question of if we want more kids, and we answer with a hesitant but enthusiastic, "Yeah, we think so," it never fails. "Are you trying for that girl??"
Does anyone really try for one sex or another? Yes. Of course. There are books and studies done as to what factors can play a role into that decision.
But not us. I believe God knows exactly who he places in our family and it is no accident. His plans for us are better than any we could imagine for ourselves. How do I know that?? Because I never would have imagined myself as a #boymom. In fact, I thought I would have two boys and two girls; stair-stepped, every other; each two years apart or a little less.
I am a girly girl. I didn't play a single sport with a ball well. I love dance and imagined my own daughter's dance recitals. Braiding her hair. Sharing laughs over pedicures. Sharing shoes. Planning her wedding. These were deep rooted dreams in my heart.
But being a boy mom?? Oh goodness, this is a dream I never knew to imagine for myself. It is a gift so grand, being a mom to these three boys. If we have another and it's a girl, I am sure joy will fill my heart. But if we have another boy, that joy will be no less.
3. Boys will be boys.
What does this even mean??? I've never heard, "Girls will be girls."
I hate this comment because it's an excuse. Boys will be boys is a statement that excuses behaviors and those behaviors are always the less desirable ones.
I want my boys to be boys. I want them to laugh loudly, explore, dig in the dirt, scrape their knees.
I also want them to be polite. To express their feelings. To feel free to follow their interests. To be kind and caring. To have a good head on their shoulders. To be leaders and not follow the crowd. To know that love isn't an emotion to turn on and off. To talk about others respectfully.
I don't think just because boys can be fast-acting, impulsive and loud means we have to expect less or excuse behaviors. I definitely won't.
4. Boys need to be tough.
This one is a biggie. It's not just comments people make but it's plastered everywhere we look. Movies, media, books. Our boys favorite characters are the super heroes. They hard hitting players in the hockey game. The fastest outfielder in the game.
Boys are supposed to be tough. I struggle with this one the most personally, because I want to raise STRONG men. What I have come to realize is strong is not synonymous with tough.
By the world's definition, boys aren't supposed to cry or get their feelings hurt easily. They are supposed to be rough and tumble. They are supposed to run off their energy playing sports or horsing around outdoors. We see our babes fall down and tell them to, "Get up! You're fine!"
I've said it. They often are fine! Totally fine and they just need to get back up and keep going to forget the sting. But they also need to be held sometimes; to know it's ok to cry. Their feelings need to be felt and we need to let them know it's ok. There are times to be tough and times when our emotions don't have to be held in and pushed down. Some of the strongest, most respected men I know are also men I've seen cry. Who are moved deeply and are secure and strong enough to be moved. I want my boys to be strong...in their convictions, in who they are, in their direction and morals. They can be tough but they don't have to be tough all the time!
5. Boys will grow up to leave you.
I'll never forget the first time someone told me that hateful saying.
"A son is a son til he takes a wife but a daughter is a daughter for life." OUCH! Did that sting or what! I resented that. So I rejected that. If I believed that then I would never want my boys to marry. And if they did, then I would resent my future daughter-in-laws. I didn't want that.
I certainly hope my boys grow up to find mates that compliment. I hope my future daughters see me as another mother; as a person with some insight into the lives of the men I've known as boys since birth. I hope they are an addition, a blessing to our family.
I absolutely understand that "a man will leave his father and mother.." (Gen 2:24) but I know my boys will never leave me. They will be fulfilling a part of God's plan for their lives. Our relationship may change. My role will surely change. But I love to think of all I will gain as my boys grow and make their own families, not what I will lose.
Being a boy mom has been one of the greatest adventures of my life. Every day is different. It has been challenging, hard, exhausting, rewarding, joy-filled, and there is so much more to come. Do you agree fellow boy-moms? What are your top myths?
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